Life's a Pitch

Attended another pitchfest yesterday - the Great American Pitchfest to be exact.  For those not familiar - a pitchfest is an event where aspiring screenwriters pay a considerable amount of money to try to sell, or pitch, their screenplay (or potential screenplay) to a large room full of production company executives.  Or those that report to executives.  Or those that report to those that report to executives.


You stand in line for a particular company - the larger, more popular ones have longer lines, naturally.  Then you're herded into a waiting area.  A bell rings and you scurry over to the numbered table, introduce yourself and then get five minutes to sell.  The bell rings again, you thank them for their time, and get in line for your next target.  Rinse, repeat.  If you don't take any breaks and happen to hit the companies with the smaller lines you can squeeze in 15 or 20 pitches in all.  I think I managed 16 - about the same as last year.


There's an art to pitching, of course.  A popular format is title, genre, comparison, logline.  Most of my meetings yesterday went like this: "Today I'm pitching a movie called Going PlaceS.  It's kind of like "Click" meets "It's a Wonderful Life."  The logline is, what if your GPS didn't take you where you wanted to go but where you needed to be?"


You can usually tell what's going to happen next by their reaction.  If they smile or seem interested, that's good.  If, half way through this brief intro you notice them yawning or counting ceiling tiles, that's not so good.


The goal is simply to get them to request your script.  Even if it's requested, the chances of it being read past page 5 are pretty small.  Of anything happening beyond that even smaller.  But in a business so heavy with competition (something like 80,000 scripts are registered - not written or submitted but just registered - each year) wanna-be writers without serious connections have little choice but take those odds as long as they may be.


My results this year weren't as good as last, which is funny because I was pitching essentially the same story.  I'd rewritten it but the premise and logline were the same.  Whereas last year 15 of 17 showed what I'd call significant interest, this year about half did.


Three people requested the script - one actually took the only hard copy I had with me - complete with scribbles and notes.  Another person asked about my other projects and ended up requesting another script I'd written called, "Getting Old is Murder" - a story that received no love whatsoever at another pitchfest a couple years back.


So fewer requests than last year, but as mentioned above just because many people request that doesn't mean anything.  I think I'd trade 15 requests resulting in nothing for 1 request resulting in something.


If nothing else comes of it at least it was entertaining.  And standing in line with my competition, chatting about story ideas it became clear that I'm certainly not the worst writer out there.  Of course, if you see a sci-fi/horror flick about giant, vampire chickens on the big screen next summer that will prove that I know absolutely nothing about this industry after all.

The World (mostly) Cup

As you may have noticed, the granddaddy of our planet’s most popular sport is now underway, with 32 teams battling it out on lush, green fields in South Africa.

You might be a fan of soccer.  You might find the play exciting, the strategies intriguing, the players dynamic and the rivalries captivating.  Then again, maybe not.  You might find the game boring, ridiculously low scoring, even annoying (see: vuvuzelas).

Fair enough.  Few events, sporting or otherwise, appeal to everyone.  Despite noticeable progress in the last twenty years, soccer hasn’t really caught on in the US.  A passionate fan base does exist, but it’s yet to generate a fraction of the interest our more popular sports do.  This isn't really surprising.  What is somewhat intriguing though is the amount of ridicule – even hatred – soccer generates.

You don’t need to look far to find someone ranting about the problems with the sport.  Rick Reilly, for example, the once-humorous-but-increasingly-grumpy-as-he-gets-older Sports Illustrated columnist recently penned an article on ways to “fix” the World Cup. 

Americans participate in and follow numerous sports, and not just the big ones.  Slap golf, bowling, tennis, or even lacrosse on TV and some people will watch.  Those that don’t find any entertainment value in a sport usually just ignore it.  Soccer’s critics seem a little more opinionated and a lot more vocal.  But why?

It’s soooo boooooring…

Ah, if only soccer were as thrilling as other sports/games that pepper the American television landscape.  Nothing screams excitement like televised golf, for example.  (In hushed whisper) “He’s walking up to the tee… checking the wind… some practice swings… uh-oh, looks like one of the photographers shutter clicked… he’ll have to back off and start again…) 

Even more intense - auto racing, a sport enjoying all new heights in popularity.  My heart starts pumping harder just thinking about those mobile billboards speeding around the same oval track again and again and again.  And if there’s a crash?  I just hope someone has the number for 9-1-1 handy.

Televised poker.  I can see why some people find this exciting.  The lingo alone would be enough – the river, the flop, pocket aces…but when someone goes all-in?  Remember those old cigarette ads that promised you’d ‘taste the excitement’?  Someone should consider reviving that campaign for televised poker.

I’m not saying that soccer is always more exciting than these alternatives, but it certainly isn’t any less.  Anyone with an attention span wide enough to watch 18 holes of golf, 500 miles of Daytona or however many hands of poker they play to determine a champion should have no problem staying awake through 90 minutes of soccer.  Especially when the game is between countries like Germany and England – an age-old rivalry that makes Yankees-Red Sox seem ridiculously small by comparison.

Maybe it’s the collective gall of the World to call it futbol.  Football, as any American sports aficionado would tell you, is that gridiron classic played every Sunday from Boston to LA (though an argument could be made as to how much is really played in LA lately.)

Or maybe it’s the fact that, when it comes to soccer, Americans have had limited success in the past. Actually, ‘limited success’ is a bit generous.  One would be hard-pressed to find a sport where a team has had such a tradition of futility.  If you are a US soccer fan there are few that can sympathize with you.  Cubs fans maybe.

Buy American!

Perhaps the real reason, though, is that soccer just isn’t an American product.  If we didn’t invent it how good can it be?  And who cares if the World Cup is by far the most popular athletic event on the planet.  We don’t like it so obviously it must be flawed.

Whatever the case, the Cup will go on.  Fans of soccer will keep following the action half a world away and those that aren’t will no doubt continue to feel the need to justify their dislike rather than just shutting the hell up.  Thankfully for them, it will all be over soon.  A champion will be crowned and then, mercifully, they can go back to the exciting, edge-of-your-seat, nail-biting alternatives they prefer:

“He’s trying to get a read on the green…

He lines up for the putt…

….

….

….

….

It’s in the hole!”

True - vuvuzelas aren't helping matters, but if annoying noise is all it takes to make something unwatchable then how do you explain the continued popularity of American Idol?

I Cheer For...

 

This month many of the greatest athletes in the world are gathering in Vancouver for the Winter Olympic Games – a groovy little event held quadrennially (yep, looked that up) since 1924.

For my money you can’t beat the Winter Games.  Where I have trouble getting excited about or even watching the Summer Games, plop some downhill skiing, hockey, bobsled or snowboarding on the TV and I will watch.  Oh yes I will most certainly watch.

I don’t cheer solely for athletes from my home country though.  More often than not I find myself rooting for someone based on another factor, such as…

Athletes with little or no expectations – during the final in men’s figure skating one of the skaters fell during his routine.  It was no big deal, according to the announcers, he wasn’t expected to challenge for a medal and, in fact, had never landed the move he was trying.  Basically he knew the chances of him falling were pretty close to 100% but he went out there and tried anyway – with an arena full of people and tens of millions more around the world watching on TV.  It’s one thing to go out and compete if you know you’re one of the best, if you know you can do what’s necessary to win.  The chance for glory far offsets the chance of failure.  But if you go out there and put it all on the line knowing you have little more than a snowball’s chance in hell?  That, my friends, is simply awesome.

Athletes flying solo – my favorite part of the Opening Ceremonies is the parade of athletes entering the venue – particularly the countries that send just a handful of competitors.  Some, like Senegal or Tajikistan, sent only one.  Can you imagine?  Traveling to a foreign country – probably for the first time – where, with the possible exception of a coach, no one speaks your language?  Experiencing the whirlwind that is the Olympics virtually alone?  Countries like the US (215), Russia (177), and Germany (153) send small armies, giving their team a gigantic support system and comfort zone.  Slalom skier Kwame Nkrumah-Acheampong from Ghana on the other hand?  My hat’s off to him and those like him.

Athletes from the host country – this is pretty self-explanatory.  A crowd full of extactic, proud, flag-waving people is nice to see.

The underdogs – the oldest, the youngest, those coming back from serious injury, those from countries devastated by war or natural disaster or overcoming some other insurmountable disadvantage just to be there.  Personally I couldn’t care less if they came from Russia, Iran, Iceland, etc.  I hope they do well.

Medal counts?  I couldn’t care less.  People are people.  Just the fact that so many people from so many countries can share the stage for even a little while without the ugliness of politics getting in the way is simply magical and reason to celebrate.

If only all the world’s problems could be solved with a nice game of curling.

2010 President's Day Survey Results - Now in 1D!

Question: Which president are you dressing up as this year?

Results (reason, if given, in parens):

3 Arthur (one respondant liked the nickname, 'The Dude President')
3 Van Buren (one respondant always wanted a street that prostitutes frequent named after him)
2 Lincoln (one respondant was having a bad day and wished someone would just shoot her)
1 Taft (respondant felt his ample physique was a good match)
1 Polk (respondant added, 'Hey Phil')
1 Jefferson (respondant likes women with dark skin)
1 Fillmore (respondant added, 'That's what she said')
1 Clinton (respondant wanted an increase in sexual frequency & variety)
1 Nixon
1 Reagan
1 Truman
1 Taylor, Zachary

1 Columbus (respondant is a proud graduate of Arizona State University)
1 Uncle Sam
1 'Hot Intern'
1 Presidential Pardon (costume would be a suit of Get Out of Jail Free cards)


Study conducted from the porch at Chuy's Restaurant while basking in the sun and enjoying numerous pitchers of Dos Equis Amber Ale.

Modern Engrish

Ah Christmas - quality time with the family, home-made cookies, delicious spiked nog, roaring fires, and gifts - lots of gifts, of course.

Far and away the most entertaining item unwrapped at the Palmer house this year wasn't a particular gift, per se, but rather the packaging from which it came. I'm speaking of something my nephew received called a Radio Control Skateboard Flyer.

This product is truly amazing. How amazing, you ask? Let's go right to the box:


Look in any toy store across this great land and you'll probably find hundreds of gadgets featuring a, "21 CENTURY NEW DESIGN ALL NEW ADDITION!" but a, "FLASHING ENTER!" as well?








While many toys out there are battery operated and quite a few can proclaim that they are of high quality, how many can boast they are top-hole?










Not only can you GO AHEAD, you can do it REELINGLY.












Safety is important during the holidays so please, dot not put this toy in water.
















As instructed, the packaging was retained for future reference.








Apologies for not having a photo of the actual toy which, despite it's zombie-like skin-tone and fluorescent-orange eyebrows worked quite well - as long as you're not one of those unreasonable people that insist your radio-controlled device do anything other than spin in a circle.

Toe Tag – Your Reward for Distracted Driving

Ext. Tempe Street - Night

A small, white car approaches an intersection just as the light switches from green to yellow. Confident he can make it, the driver glides through the crossing. A bright FLASH freezes the moment in time.

Driver
(to himself)
I was in the intersection before it turned.

He is wrong.


First came the ticket, complete with four photos - two of the intersection, one of my license plate and the last of me behind the wheel. The technology was impressive. It would be hard to take a clearer shot of my mug. I was smiling. I needed a shave.

Also included was a web address so I could watch video of my infraction. What little doubt the still photos left went down the drain as I played the clip over and over. I was guilty. Busted.

If you ever want to expand your horizons try attending traffic school. Not only will you see the vast melting pot that shares the road with you, you'll also feel much better about your ability to operate a motor vehicle - or groom yourself - or bathe.

You'll also get to watch a fine piece of cinematography called, "Toe Tag - Your Reward for Distracted Driving." This short film combines the thrills of jet fighting with the risks of multitasking and real, bloody ER footage for a cautionary concoction guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat. As if that weren't enough you'll also get FREE water and a sweet certificate of completion at the end. It may be the best $183 you'll ever spend. Certainly the best you'll spend involuntarily.


Unrelated topic - the new album by the Swell Season, "Strict Joy", is fan-dam-tastic. If you enjoyed the soundtrack to the indie hit, "Once" this is a must-buy. Glen Hansard's gift for songwriting is on full display. Check out the tracks, "The Rain" and "Back Broke".

Another artist worth checking out is Rachael Yamagata. While it would be easy to dismiss her as just another angst-filled siren striking out at ex-boyfriends via song there's much more to her. A voice that can be angelic, writing full of passion and meaning, and a wicked sense of humor to boot. Check out, "Sunday Afternoon".

Cruisin' in New England

Things I learned during my recent 7-day cruise through New England:

- People in Newport are very proud of the wealth accumulated by some of their residents. 80% of a bus tour we took focused on mansions overlooking the ocean.

- A sure sign you've attained a certain level of success/wealth in life is when your house has its own name such as "Rolling Meadows" or "Eagle's Nest." With that in mind I've decided to name my condo. The leading candidates so far are "Leaking Roof" and "Chateau de Mosquito."

- In olden days pirates inhabited the waters around Boston but many of them were mute. This is because they had a tendency to drop their aaaarghs.

- Paul Revere lived in a tiny house that still stands today. He also had something like 16 or 18 children. It's not in the history books but I'm betting he decided to participate in the Revolution mostly just to get out of the house.

- The trolley tours in Boston are kind of pricey but well worth it, especially if you get a bald driver named Benny.

- In Bar Harbor, lobster rolls aren't nearly as fancy as you'd think. Basically a quarter pound of lobster on a hot dog bun or, if you're lucky enough to get one where I did, on a slice of Wonder bread.

- You can travel all around Bar Harbor for as little as $5 thanks to their island bus system. Some drivers will even provide interesting facts along the way.

- Initially you'd think there's not much in St. John, New Brunswick other than the highest tide in the world (which actually reverses the flow of the St. John River every 6 hours). However, it's also home to some damn tasty microbrews and an excellent pub about two blocks from the harbor where a bartender named David will treat you like family and convince you that St. John is a pretty good place to live - even in the winter.

- Halifax may have more bars and pubs per square foot than any place in Canada or even North America for that matter. One should limit one's consumption of alcohol in St. John if one really wants to enjoy these establishments. Not that I would know - I'm just guessing.

- Princess Cruises doesn't think of passengers as guests as much as a captive market to push product upon. A certain ship photographer should be thanking his lucky stars he didn't get his lights punched out during one disembarkation - and that goes for the guy/girl in the giant lobster suit too.

- Seven days aboard a ship with some 2,000 New Yorkers is more than enough for a lifetime. A more rude, inconsiderate, whiny bunch would be hard to find - and all with accents that make Southerners sound Shakespearean by comparison.

- Much like looking out an airplane window, I could stare at the ocean for hours and hours without tiring of the view.

- You can't beat some quality time with family. :)