Random Thoughts - Volume 41

Too long for Twitter, too boring for Facebook, to disjointed for anywhere else, it's random thoughts.

- I just received a rejection letter for one of my scripts from a company that sent me a rejection letter for the same script a month ago.  Two rejections, one script.  Suck on that, Coen brothers.

- Lenny Kravitz just played while they introduced the players in the NBA All Star Game.  Last week Mr. Kravitz appeared on the Grammys where he successfully pulled of the tricky 17th century fur trader look.  Now there's a career that's booming.

- Free tip - if you ever attend a seminar, class, session, etc. let the speaker/instructor do the talking.  Do not interrupt with your stories, anecdotes, thoughts on the subject or what you've heard on the topic.  Believe it or not, you're not 1/10th as interesting, informative, clever, or entertaining as you may think, and no one is there to hear you.

- I live in a desert where we might get 4-5 good rain storms a year - yet I've had more trouble with my roof leaking than anyone in Seattle, Portland, or an Amazonian rain forest.  (Fortunately I enjoy rain so having it inside my condo is really just a bonus.)

- I love hockey.  I love outdoor hockey even more.

- Why don't people dress up as a President for Presidents Day?  That seems like it would be a fun, educational tradition.  And great for parties.  Her: "Teddy Roosevelt?  Where'd you come from?"  Him: "I walk softly.  Wanna see my big stick?"

Get Well, Gabby

I’ve never met Gabrielle Giffords.

Actually, other than her name and the fact that she is a Congresswoman from my state I didn’t know much about her at all until a little over a week ago, when she was attacked in what the media has termed the, “Tragedy in Tucson” (because, you know,  the media loves to slap catchy little titles on horrific events as if they were hot new television shows or movies.)

No need to rehash the ‘what’ here.  Unless you live under a rock you already know.  Nor the ‘why’ - mostly because, despite thousands of pointed fingers, I don’t think anybody really knows.  Jon Stewart might have summed that up best. (forward to about 2 minutes in)

Like most, I was shocked, depressed, outraged and angry.  The latter two not only because of the needless violence but because as a society we should be above this - advanced enough to not have this kind of thing happen again and again and again.  Obviously we are not and I’m not sure we ever will be.

The list of victims is enough to make the harshest of cynics weep - men, women, young & old, a child - however it’s the attempt on Mrs. Giffords’ life that has affected me the most.  And I’m not really sure why.

There’s the obvious - she was a defenseless woman attacked by a man.  She's close to my age so we share a sort of generational connection I suppose.  She was also initially reported to have died, then not expected to live.  Then her doctor said she was doing, "better than she has a right to,” and finally now it looks like she'll be a verifiable medical miracle.  All good reasons to cheer for her.

She’s considered by some to be a rising star in the Arizona Democratic Party.  To hover close to the political middle ground, successfully no less, in Arizona these days is no small feat.  Nor was it for a Democrat to win reelection in 2010, in a conservative district on the Mexican border no less.  As a left-leaning Independent in a state that’s been sliding further and further into the almost-farcical, far-right red, pulling for her strictly for political reasons wouldn't be a stretch.   

Then there’s the kind of person she is.  The more you read about her the more you admire Gabrielle.  Her colleagues on both sides of the political spectrum seem to have nothing but good things to say, and unlike so many elected officials she seems to remember why she is where she is.  Earlier that morning she sent the following tweet to her followers: “My 1st Congress on Your Corner starts now. Please stop by to let me know what is on your mind or tweet me later.”  Reaching out to constituents, what a great idea.

Any of these would be reason enough, but I think a large part of it - why I’m pulling for her so strongly, why I watch for updates on her recovery closely, smile and rejoice a little with each and every bit of progress she makes - is simply this:  her living through this nightmare will be a victory not only for her but for sane people everywhere.  A symbolic middle finger to the killer and others out there like him; proof that you can’t just solve your problems by shooting those you don’t like or feel responsible.

I hope like hell Gabrielle Giffords has a full recovery.  I hope the killer is at least sane enough to understand that while he wreaked havoc that morning and took the lives of six innocent people, in the end he still failed.  I hope that little fact bothers him until his last breath.

And I hope to meet Mrs. Giffords one day.

Rep. Giffords' web site

Safeway's Victims Fund

Life's a Pitch

Attended another pitchfest yesterday - the Great American Pitchfest to be exact.  For those not familiar - a pitchfest is an event where aspiring screenwriters pay a considerable amount of money to try to sell, or pitch, their screenplay (or potential screenplay) to a large room full of production company executives.  Or those that report to executives.  Or those that report to those that report to executives.


You stand in line for a particular company - the larger, more popular ones have longer lines, naturally.  Then you're herded into a waiting area.  A bell rings and you scurry over to the numbered table, introduce yourself and then get five minutes to sell.  The bell rings again, you thank them for their time, and get in line for your next target.  Rinse, repeat.  If you don't take any breaks and happen to hit the companies with the smaller lines you can squeeze in 15 or 20 pitches in all.  I think I managed 16 - about the same as last year.


There's an art to pitching, of course.  A popular format is title, genre, comparison, logline.  Most of my meetings yesterday went like this: "Today I'm pitching a movie called Going PlaceS.  It's kind of like "Click" meets "It's a Wonderful Life."  The logline is, what if your GPS didn't take you where you wanted to go but where you needed to be?"


You can usually tell what's going to happen next by their reaction.  If they smile or seem interested, that's good.  If, half way through this brief intro you notice them yawning or counting ceiling tiles, that's not so good.


The goal is simply to get them to request your script.  Even if it's requested, the chances of it being read past page 5 are pretty small.  Of anything happening beyond that even smaller.  But in a business so heavy with competition (something like 80,000 scripts are registered - not written or submitted but just registered - each year) wanna-be writers without serious connections have little choice but take those odds as long as they may be.


My results this year weren't as good as last, which is funny because I was pitching essentially the same story.  I'd rewritten it but the premise and logline were the same.  Whereas last year 15 of 17 showed what I'd call significant interest, this year about half did.


Three people requested the script - one actually took the only hard copy I had with me - complete with scribbles and notes.  Another person asked about my other projects and ended up requesting another script I'd written called, "Getting Old is Murder" - a story that received no love whatsoever at another pitchfest a couple years back.


So fewer requests than last year, but as mentioned above just because many people request that doesn't mean anything.  I think I'd trade 15 requests resulting in nothing for 1 request resulting in something.


If nothing else comes of it at least it was entertaining.  And standing in line with my competition, chatting about story ideas it became clear that I'm certainly not the worst writer out there.  Of course, if you see a sci-fi/horror flick about giant, vampire chickens on the big screen next summer that will prove that I know absolutely nothing about this industry after all.

The World (mostly) Cup

As you may have noticed, the granddaddy of our planet’s most popular sport is now underway, with 32 teams battling it out on lush, green fields in South Africa.

You might be a fan of soccer.  You might find the play exciting, the strategies intriguing, the players dynamic and the rivalries captivating.  Then again, maybe not.  You might find the game boring, ridiculously low scoring, even annoying (see: vuvuzelas).

Fair enough.  Few events, sporting or otherwise, appeal to everyone.  Despite noticeable progress in the last twenty years, soccer hasn’t really caught on in the US.  A passionate fan base does exist, but it’s yet to generate a fraction of the interest our more popular sports do.  This isn't really surprising.  What is somewhat intriguing though is the amount of ridicule – even hatred – soccer generates.

You don’t need to look far to find someone ranting about the problems with the sport.  Rick Reilly, for example, the once-humorous-but-increasingly-grumpy-as-he-gets-older Sports Illustrated columnist recently penned an article on ways to “fix” the World Cup. 

Americans participate in and follow numerous sports, and not just the big ones.  Slap golf, bowling, tennis, or even lacrosse on TV and some people will watch.  Those that don’t find any entertainment value in a sport usually just ignore it.  Soccer’s critics seem a little more opinionated and a lot more vocal.  But why?

It’s soooo boooooring…

Ah, if only soccer were as thrilling as other sports/games that pepper the American television landscape.  Nothing screams excitement like televised golf, for example.  (In hushed whisper) “He’s walking up to the tee… checking the wind… some practice swings… uh-oh, looks like one of the photographers shutter clicked… he’ll have to back off and start again…) 

Even more intense - auto racing, a sport enjoying all new heights in popularity.  My heart starts pumping harder just thinking about those mobile billboards speeding around the same oval track again and again and again.  And if there’s a crash?  I just hope someone has the number for 9-1-1 handy.

Televised poker.  I can see why some people find this exciting.  The lingo alone would be enough – the river, the flop, pocket aces…but when someone goes all-in?  Remember those old cigarette ads that promised you’d ‘taste the excitement’?  Someone should consider reviving that campaign for televised poker.

I’m not saying that soccer is always more exciting than these alternatives, but it certainly isn’t any less.  Anyone with an attention span wide enough to watch 18 holes of golf, 500 miles of Daytona or however many hands of poker they play to determine a champion should have no problem staying awake through 90 minutes of soccer.  Especially when the game is between countries like Germany and England – an age-old rivalry that makes Yankees-Red Sox seem ridiculously small by comparison.

Maybe it’s the collective gall of the World to call it futbol.  Football, as any American sports aficionado would tell you, is that gridiron classic played every Sunday from Boston to LA (though an argument could be made as to how much is really played in LA lately.)

Or maybe it’s the fact that, when it comes to soccer, Americans have had limited success in the past. Actually, ‘limited success’ is a bit generous.  One would be hard-pressed to find a sport where a team has had such a tradition of futility.  If you are a US soccer fan there are few that can sympathize with you.  Cubs fans maybe.

Buy American!

Perhaps the real reason, though, is that soccer just isn’t an American product.  If we didn’t invent it how good can it be?  And who cares if the World Cup is by far the most popular athletic event on the planet.  We don’t like it so obviously it must be flawed.

Whatever the case, the Cup will go on.  Fans of soccer will keep following the action half a world away and those that aren’t will no doubt continue to feel the need to justify their dislike rather than just shutting the hell up.  Thankfully for them, it will all be over soon.  A champion will be crowned and then, mercifully, they can go back to the exciting, edge-of-your-seat, nail-biting alternatives they prefer:

“He’s trying to get a read on the green…

He lines up for the putt…

….

….

….

….

It’s in the hole!”

True - vuvuzelas aren't helping matters, but if annoying noise is all it takes to make something unwatchable then how do you explain the continued popularity of American Idol?

I Cheer For...

 

This month many of the greatest athletes in the world are gathering in Vancouver for the Winter Olympic Games – a groovy little event held quadrennially (yep, looked that up) since 1924.

For my money you can’t beat the Winter Games.  Where I have trouble getting excited about or even watching the Summer Games, plop some downhill skiing, hockey, bobsled or snowboarding on the TV and I will watch.  Oh yes I will most certainly watch.

I don’t cheer solely for athletes from my home country though.  More often than not I find myself rooting for someone based on another factor, such as…

Athletes with little or no expectations – during the final in men’s figure skating one of the skaters fell during his routine.  It was no big deal, according to the announcers, he wasn’t expected to challenge for a medal and, in fact, had never landed the move he was trying.  Basically he knew the chances of him falling were pretty close to 100% but he went out there and tried anyway – with an arena full of people and tens of millions more around the world watching on TV.  It’s one thing to go out and compete if you know you’re one of the best, if you know you can do what’s necessary to win.  The chance for glory far offsets the chance of failure.  But if you go out there and put it all on the line knowing you have little more than a snowball’s chance in hell?  That, my friends, is simply awesome.

Athletes flying solo – my favorite part of the Opening Ceremonies is the parade of athletes entering the venue – particularly the countries that send just a handful of competitors.  Some, like Senegal or Tajikistan, sent only one.  Can you imagine?  Traveling to a foreign country – probably for the first time – where, with the possible exception of a coach, no one speaks your language?  Experiencing the whirlwind that is the Olympics virtually alone?  Countries like the US (215), Russia (177), and Germany (153) send small armies, giving their team a gigantic support system and comfort zone.  Slalom skier Kwame Nkrumah-Acheampong from Ghana on the other hand?  My hat’s off to him and those like him.

Athletes from the host country – this is pretty self-explanatory.  A crowd full of extactic, proud, flag-waving people is nice to see.

The underdogs – the oldest, the youngest, those coming back from serious injury, those from countries devastated by war or natural disaster or overcoming some other insurmountable disadvantage just to be there.  Personally I couldn’t care less if they came from Russia, Iran, Iceland, etc.  I hope they do well.

Medal counts?  I couldn’t care less.  People are people.  Just the fact that so many people from so many countries can share the stage for even a little while without the ugliness of politics getting in the way is simply magical and reason to celebrate.

If only all the world’s problems could be solved with a nice game of curling.

2010 President's Day Survey Results - Now in 1D!

Question: Which president are you dressing up as this year?

Results (reason, if given, in parens):

3 Arthur (one respondant liked the nickname, 'The Dude President')
3 Van Buren (one respondant always wanted a street that prostitutes frequent named after him)
2 Lincoln (one respondant was having a bad day and wished someone would just shoot her)
1 Taft (respondant felt his ample physique was a good match)
1 Polk (respondant added, 'Hey Phil')
1 Jefferson (respondant likes women with dark skin)
1 Fillmore (respondant added, 'That's what she said')
1 Clinton (respondant wanted an increase in sexual frequency & variety)
1 Nixon
1 Reagan
1 Truman
1 Taylor, Zachary

1 Columbus (respondant is a proud graduate of Arizona State University)
1 Uncle Sam
1 'Hot Intern'
1 Presidential Pardon (costume would be a suit of Get Out of Jail Free cards)


Study conducted from the porch at Chuy's Restaurant while basking in the sun and enjoying numerous pitchers of Dos Equis Amber Ale.

Modern Engrish

Ah Christmas - quality time with the family, home-made cookies, delicious spiked nog, roaring fires, and gifts - lots of gifts, of course.

Far and away the most entertaining item unwrapped at the Palmer house this year wasn't a particular gift, per se, but rather the packaging from which it came. I'm speaking of something my nephew received called a Radio Control Skateboard Flyer.

This product is truly amazing. How amazing, you ask? Let's go right to the box:


Look in any toy store across this great land and you'll probably find hundreds of gadgets featuring a, "21 CENTURY NEW DESIGN ALL NEW ADDITION!" but a, "FLASHING ENTER!" as well?








While many toys out there are battery operated and quite a few can proclaim that they are of high quality, how many can boast they are top-hole?










Not only can you GO AHEAD, you can do it REELINGLY.












Safety is important during the holidays so please, dot not put this toy in water.
















As instructed, the packaging was retained for future reference.








Apologies for not having a photo of the actual toy which, despite it's zombie-like skin-tone and fluorescent-orange eyebrows worked quite well - as long as you're not one of those unreasonable people that insist your radio-controlled device do anything other than spin in a circle.