New Big 3 Auto Advertisement

Photoshop. So much bad but the occassional good makes up for it.

It's beginning to look a lot like Lex-mas!

In a season full of rampant consumerism and television advertisements designed to keep it that way, one annual campaign always makes me laugh. The setting changes each year but always ends the same way – in a driveway with one happy person giving his/her spouse a brand-new Lexus with giant, red bow on top.



Every year I see these ads and wonder…

Who are these people?

Successful, established corporations like Lexus/Toyota don’t produce and run ads unless there is a proven target audience. As this message has been repeated by Lexus for a number of years one can assume that there are people out there, a bunch of people in fact, that can and do drop seventy grand on a single Christmas gift. I just don’t know any of them. I’d like to. In fact, I’d like to know them well enough that I had a place on their shopping list.

Sure it would be awkward at first:

“Here ya go Rob, it’s a new Lexus LS.”
“Wow! You shouldn’t have! This is great! Oh, and this gift certificate to Cracker Barrel is for you. They have really good pie! Merry Christmas!”

(Luckily, nothing masks or completely alleviates guilt like the quality, luxury and superior customer satisfaction promised by the Lexus web site.)

Let’s say you have the means and the desire to get someone a luxury automobile for Christmas. How do you maintain that level of gift-giving? You’ve set the bar kind of high. What could you possibly get next year that wouldn’t be a let-down, besides another, more expensive car? And even then you risk having your creativity and thoughtfulness questioned. “Another car. Great. I haven’t even got the new-car smell out of the old one yet. I guess you were too busy to put any thought into a gift this year… jackass.”

Another possible pitfall would be the whole Christmas-religion connection. A $70,000 present may not do much to impress the traditionalists out there - those still clinging to the outdated concept that Christmas isn’t really about the gifts. These are the cheapskates that prefer family togetherness or helping those less fortunate. If you’re thinking of buying them a luxury car I might suggest adding a complimentary item in an effort to sway them – like a WWJD bracelet, telling them that it really stands for, “what would Jesus drive?”

When I see these commercials I also can’t help but wonder who makes those giant, red bows. Is it a bow company making many different sizes, or a company that just specializes in giant versions of all sorts of products? If anyone out there knows please share.

Happy Holidays.

Buckets

Our company recently reorganized. According to our CEO and senior staff a lot of us were placed in different "buckets".

So not only do I work in a little, fabric-covered box, but a little, fabric-covered box within a bucket.

It simply can't get much better than this.

The Journey

So Google Maps is doing something rather cool. You can track the paths each presidential candidate has taken in their lives to get to where they are now (which is all over the TV, radio, web, mail, phone lines, etc.)

Just click on the candidate of choice on the left.

You'll notice they don't offer this service for either of the VP candidates. I had to do some searching for Palin’s but finally found it here.

Work Spouses

According to a recent article posted at CareerBuilder.com, roughly one in ten workers has a “work spouse.” A work spouse, for those of you not in the know, is “…a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close, platonic relationship.”

The article goes on to say that, in many ways, these relationships mirror real marriages and that roughly 20% of the people with work spouses also have a jealous real-life spouse as a result. The always-helpful CareerBuilder then gives seven signs that you may have a work spouse of your own.

The piece was forwarded to me by a coworker that believes we meet many of the seven requirements. After reading the article I couldn’t really disagree. So, despite the fact that I’ve made a conscious effort over the last twenty years not to get married it turns out I have a spouse anyway. Who knew?

More importantly this article got me thinking about possible problems that come with this seemingly-innocent trend.

I hate to say it, but with the emergence of work spouse relationships comes the possibility that certain people out there will go and find a work spouse of the same sex. As we’ve all learned over the last five years, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is a bigger threat to all that is good and pure and clean in the world than same-sex spouses. Just picture it – you’ve worked hard to establish a good, decent work spouse relationship with a coworker and then BOOM! – Sheila and Dawn from Accounting ruin it all faster than you can say “Indigo Girls”. Obviously, we cannot have that.

That’s why I’m writing a letter – a letter to the good people behind the extremely-necessary and not-at-all-wasteful-despite-the-fact-it-was-voted-down-less-than-two-years-ago Proposition 102. Knowing well how viciously-passionate they are I have a feeling that they are already on top of this – hurriedly crafting a “Defense of Traditional Work Spouse Relationship” initiative to appear on the next ballot. But just in case they aren’t, or in case they just need some support, I’m going to let them know. After all, you can’t be too safe when facing evil threats to the American Way of Life.

And to end on a positive, the emergence of work spouses also brings certain opportunities like the creation of a new job/profession/industry – work spouse counseling. As these relationships mirror real marriage there will no doubt be instances of work spouse physical/mental abuse, infidelity, and even divorce – perhaps at a rate as high as 50%. Professionals will be needed to counsel, console, mediate, and perhaps medicate. As long as we remember what’s important and protect "traditional" work spouse relationships, this can be a very good thing indeed.

And the Cradle Will Rock

I don't have children, but if I did...

http://www.amazon.com/Rockabye-Baby-Lullaby-Renditions-AC/dp/B0011V7OO2/ref=sr_1_36?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1222973148&sr=1-36

As a friend of mine said, "What better way to put your kid to sleep than Highway to Hell played on a glockenspiel?" As he's got more children than me (4 to 0) I'll have to take his word for it I guess.

Other Stickers Often Displayed by People That Still Have a "W04" Sticker on Their Vehicle

I ♥ New Coke!

My other car is a Yugo

BETA is Betta!

My child tries really hard at Central Elementary

Follow me to Jonestown!

If you can read this…let me know because I can’t

God is my Pilot

Cleveland Browns

Don’t Blame Me…Okay, Blame Me.

Drawing of Calvin peeing on himself

From Winning to Whining

If the Olympics were to give out a medal for watching the Olympics I believe I’d be in the running. I’ve watched more of the Summer Games this week than any Olympics before and possibly more than all previous Olympics combined. This may be because I am extremely patriotic and love the Games. Then again, it may be because I’ve been couch-ridden with a nasty cold/flu for three days – forced to choose between this or other daytime TV. It’s really not important. What is important is something I’ve noticed while watching the festivities in Beijing.

No, it’s not that China has been kicking our collective butt – unless we want to adopt, “We’re numbers 2 and 3!” as our official motto. No one can touch us in silver and bronze.

No, it’s not that is entirely possible to have, dare I say, too much coverage of one person, even if he has done the miraculous.

And no, it’s not that rowing can be pretty entertaining.

It’s that, somewhere along the way, the commentators at NBC (Bob Costas, Al Trautwig, Bela Karolyi, etc.), the media in general and even some American athletes have become the biggest bunch of whiners on the planet.

Of course, the most notable example of this would be the outcry after all-around gold medalist Nastia Liukin finished tied with a Chinese gymnast in the parallel bars and then received the silver after the Olympic tie-breaker was put into effect. Who could forget the images of an upset Nastia and her father/coach as the rule – which I believe was set in advance – was explained to them, while NBC’s crack team of announcers repeatedly decried the judges’ marks?

Not even one day earlier a similar situation developed with another American gymnast on the vault. As with the parallel bars the conversation wasn’t how wow – she was one of the three best in the world but rather how she was robbed.

Hey, here’s a newsflash – gymnastics scores are subjective. That’s why there are multiple judges involved and not, say, just two guys from one country watching the events on a monitor and scoring the participants.

Earlier in the Games an American tennis player lost and cried foul. One of our women’s volleyball teams lost and it wasn’t to a better team necessarily but rather because they made so many unforced errors. And lest we forget that when Michael Phelps won his seventh gold by 1/100th of a second it was ‘remarkable’ but when his 41-year old counterpart lost by that exact micronugget of time it was ‘tragic’.

Look, I expect a certain amount of bias when watching the Games. It’s an American network, broadcast to Americans. I get it. If I truly wanted something different I’d find a satellite and watch foreign coverage. But is it too much to ask our commentators to focus on the good, to praise finishing among the best in the world – if not the best, and to not set an example for the young athletes out there that if you don’t win, the best thing to do is bitch and moan about it?

It makes the U.S. seem petty, self-centered and small. And we’ve had enough of that over the last eight years.

P.S. Kudos to Shawn Johnson – throughout the Games she always smiled, seemingly thrilled just to be there despite finishing first, second, third, etc. If only those that covered her had as much class as this 16-year old.

Parchment

I’ve been drinking a lot of water today and it just hit me – perhaps the reason is because it’s Thursday, which sounds A LOT like thirsty. Perchance might there be a correlation? Or is it just coincidence? Or is it because someone bet me I couldn’t eat an entire shaker full of salt in our kitchen earlier today and I did?

Life is choc-a-bloc with mysteries.

80's Music-Inspired Haiku, or Hairku

Don’t stop believin’,
That I’ll send her my love, man.
You know…faithfully.


Come on Eileen, do
You really want to hurt me?
Don’t do me like that!


Future’s so bright, I
Have to wear shades, including
Sunglasses at night.

Stardate 2010 - Jim emptied our ashtray out the window today...

Reading an article in the New York Times today about an unidentified item floating around the Space Shuttle I couldn't get past the following line:

“But in the past, they have simply turned out to be bits of ice or errant plastic bags floating out of the payload bay.”

Nice to see there are no heavenly bounds on our capacity to pollute. Yay humans!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/14/science/13cnd-shuttle.html?ref=space

Deja Screwed

It seems like just yesterday that Bill Clinton destroyed Al Gore’s Presidential hopes. With an economy humming along at a surplus, low unemployment rates, high approval ratings, etc. it seemed that Gore was a shoe-in for the 2000 election. Only a colossal miscue could derail the Democratic Party. Something like, say, oral sex with an intern in a well-known Puritanistic, sanctimonious, hypocritical society.

Now here we are, eight years later and Bill’s Other Half is picking up right where he left off. The country, mired in a national funk after suffering through two terms of inept, corrupt “leadership” at the hands of Dubya, desperately craves change. They’ve seen enough of the cronyism, the pandering to the rich/corporate interests, the stubborn failure to admit mistakes, the unapologetic ignorance and jingoism that’s not only harmed our image in the world but made us less safe overall.

Further enhancing the Dems chances is the failure of the Republicans to put forth a true “champion of the Right.” Those on the Left must have been giddy when they saw the Republican field and downright ecstatic when John McCain was chosen the nominee – the same John McCain that Bush and his minions attacked viciously in 2000 as being utterly incapable of holding the highest office in the land. How in the world could the conservative base back a candidate they completely shredded not even a decade ago – a candidate that right-wing windbags even today refuse to support? Less than a year from the election and there is no solidarity on the Right. No wave of support like that enjoyed by Shrub in 2000 and 2004. Yes, once again it seems that only a monumental fuck-up could keep the Dems from winning back the White House.

Enter Hilly.

After the two recent primaries it seems all but certain that Barack Obama will win enough delegates to claim the nomination. One would think that, as a true Democrat with the party’s, and nation’s, interest at heart Hilly would concede the race and move on with the task of getting her party back in power; that she would give credit where credit is due, quickly endorse Obama and mobilize her team towards the fight with McCain.

Not quite.

Apparently she’s staying in it until the end no matter what the delegate count - an ironic bit of Bush-like stubbornness in the face of failure to be sure.

The last four months have shown that Hilly could give a rat’s posterior about the overall well-being of her party or its chances to emerge victorious come November. Her wishy-washiness in regards to Michigan and Florida, discrediting of states she has not won, and negative campaigning have shown her true colors.

Six months ago I had reservations about the party putting forth either a woman or a black man. I wasn’t sure our country, despite our fondness to claim otherwise, had come far enough as a society to elect anything other than a white man as President. I wondered how the Right would attack them – what new level Karl Rove or whoever fills his slimy shoes would stoop to. Now it appears they may not have to. The Dems seem on a pace to completely destroy themselves yet again. And heading up this effort, the wife of the person that did it so well last time.

Talk about a dynasty.