Modern Engrish

Ah Christmas - quality time with the family, home-made cookies, delicious spiked nog, roaring fires, and gifts - lots of gifts, of course.

Far and away the most entertaining item unwrapped at the Palmer house this year wasn't a particular gift, per se, but rather the packaging from which it came. I'm speaking of something my nephew received called a Radio Control Skateboard Flyer.

This product is truly amazing. How amazing, you ask? Let's go right to the box:


Look in any toy store across this great land and you'll probably find hundreds of gadgets featuring a, "21 CENTURY NEW DESIGN ALL NEW ADDITION!" but a, "FLASHING ENTER!" as well?








While many toys out there are battery operated and quite a few can proclaim that they are of high quality, how many can boast they are top-hole?










Not only can you GO AHEAD, you can do it REELINGLY.












Safety is important during the holidays so please, dot not put this toy in water.
















As instructed, the packaging was retained for future reference.








Apologies for not having a photo of the actual toy which, despite it's zombie-like skin-tone and fluorescent-orange eyebrows worked quite well - as long as you're not one of those unreasonable people that insist your radio-controlled device do anything other than spin in a circle.

Toe Tag – Your Reward for Distracted Driving

Ext. Tempe Street - Night

A small, white car approaches an intersection just as the light switches from green to yellow. Confident he can make it, the driver glides through the crossing. A bright FLASH freezes the moment in time.

Driver
(to himself)
I was in the intersection before it turned.

He is wrong.


First came the ticket, complete with four photos - two of the intersection, one of my license plate and the last of me behind the wheel. The technology was impressive. It would be hard to take a clearer shot of my mug. I was smiling. I needed a shave.

Also included was a web address so I could watch video of my infraction. What little doubt the still photos left went down the drain as I played the clip over and over. I was guilty. Busted.

If you ever want to expand your horizons try attending traffic school. Not only will you see the vast melting pot that shares the road with you, you'll also feel much better about your ability to operate a motor vehicle - or groom yourself - or bathe.

You'll also get to watch a fine piece of cinematography called, "Toe Tag - Your Reward for Distracted Driving." This short film combines the thrills of jet fighting with the risks of multitasking and real, bloody ER footage for a cautionary concoction guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat. As if that weren't enough you'll also get FREE water and a sweet certificate of completion at the end. It may be the best $183 you'll ever spend. Certainly the best you'll spend involuntarily.


Unrelated topic - the new album by the Swell Season, "Strict Joy", is fan-dam-tastic. If you enjoyed the soundtrack to the indie hit, "Once" this is a must-buy. Glen Hansard's gift for songwriting is on full display. Check out the tracks, "The Rain" and "Back Broke".

Another artist worth checking out is Rachael Yamagata. While it would be easy to dismiss her as just another angst-filled siren striking out at ex-boyfriends via song there's much more to her. A voice that can be angelic, writing full of passion and meaning, and a wicked sense of humor to boot. Check out, "Sunday Afternoon".